Anyone who knew Derek would have to say that he was a beautiful boy and handsome young man. Derek was also a deep, passionate, and intense person with a very gentle soul. I have said for most of Derek's life that he was a walking example of being one's own worst enemy. He was curious, active and sometimes didn't have a lot of common sense. He was very smart but lacked self control and his mischievous and impulsive nature got him into a few tight spots with teachers and coaches, but they all knew he had a good heart, so he made it through each new dilemma.

In January of 2005 my sister's puppy drowned and Derek was the one who pulled the puppy from the water. We all were very upset but Derek was also mad at God for taking that sweet puppy. That is when I knew it was past time for Derek to learn more about the Lord. So we started going to a local church at the recommendation of our neighbors. Derek took to the message immediately and felt comfort and strength from knowing the Lord and how He loves us all unconditionally and wants only the best for all of us.

As the struggles of high school were taking their toll on Derek, I began to pray for God to put a good friend in Derek's life; someone who shared his passion and spirit. In August of 2006 Derek made a new friend in school and they immediately felt a bond. This friend told me that he and Derek stayed up until 6 a.m. one night just talking – not something most teenage boys do. This friend was a bridge to help Derek expand on some distant friendships he had since Middle School – kids he liked at school but never spent much time with outside of school. For the first time in his life he had a "pack" of friends and he was so happy. These were great boys and I thanked God many times for them all. I was very happy for Derek but he was still lost in making any goals for the future. At 16 he just wanted to have fun, like a 10 year old, but he didn't have 8 years to figure things out so the stress was high. My new recurring prayers for Derek were for God to watch over him, help him find his way, keep him safe from his impulsive ways, make sure he knew how much he was loved, and give him the hope he needed to take his life in a good direction.

About a month before he died, Derek made a bad choice and was very upset with himself. He didn't want to talk to me – he was too angry at himself to listen. I wrote him a note and told him that everyone makes mistakes and by getting caught in his mistake God is trying to help him learn a lesson so he doesn't keep making the same mistakes. I told him that God is very busy and can't keep close watch over everyone but He sees that Derek is good and deserves some help. The best he can do now is thank God for his guidance and make a better choice next time. Of course, I told him I loved him and that everything would be okay.

The week before Derek died we were having a lot of disagreements about school, work, and accountability. Looking back, none of them were really that big of a deal. I told him we wouldn't give him money for the prom because he had not yet found a job and his grades were bad. Also, he was fighting with some of his friends and had disappointed someone that he cared deeply about. Again, he was angry at himself. We talked, argued, and cried, until late on Saturday night, the week before he died. As always, I kissed him goodnight and told him to hang in there and that everything would be okay.

The next day I was going out for a few hours and he was in his room feeling bad. I told him that I understood he was very discouraged and frustrated and that maybe he didn't feel like God was with him, but He truly was there. I told him that this was a rough patch but he was a good person and it would work out if he put his heart and head together and made some good, hard choices. I told him that he was worth God's attention and everything would be okay. I also told him that God has answered my prayers in the past and I was praying for God to help him, so I had faith that God would take care of him. As worried as I was about him, I really had faith that everything would be okay.

People ask me, how do you do it? How are you getting through each day? You are so strong, where does that come from? Well, first let me tell you that I am far from strong and I struggle every day, as does my husband, daughter, and everyone that loved Derek. Deep down inside I have the grace that is God's love for my son which was so great that He took him to be by His side in heaven. Selfishly, I want him here and I can't even comprehend that I will never touch him on this earth again but I know he is in the best place anyone can be.

So, why did God let that sweet puppy drown? So Derek could be saved and go to heaven where his gentle soul belongs.